


no one can choose who they fall for (or when they fall, or how they fall, or why)

by anothersadsong



Series: tumblr prompts [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Slow Burn, and then the sex, seriously i've got like ten of 'em, snarking too, who doesn't love college au's?, yet another college au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 03:56:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11889486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothersadsong/pseuds/anothersadsong
Summary: One book. Two students.(from the prompt 'i'm not going to apologize for this, not anymore'.)





	no one can choose who they fall for (or when they fall, or how they fall, or why)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aMassiveDisappointment (BadOldWest)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadOldWest/gifts).



[ ](http://oh-nostalgiaa.tumblr.com/image/164519105074)

It was like a meet-cute from one of those fucking rom-coms that Jyn always pretended to hate, but curled up into her blankets and watched intently late at night anyway, totally not crying when the main characters finally got their shit together and admitted their feelings. **  
**

Only … she had a boyfriend. And Cassian didn’t stare at her as though she put the very stars in the sky. Instead, his irritated gaze flickered down to where their hands touched, each gripping the very last copy of the book they both needed for different sections of the same class, neither one seeming to be willing to let go.

“I had it first”, he finally managed, carefully enunciating each syllable as though that would prove ownership, and cause Jyn to let go.

She didn’t. In fact, she tugged it a little closer to her, instead. “Like hell you did.”

“Let go”, he muttered, jaw clenching as his temper rose. How dare this little girl try to take what was rightfully his!

“You first”, she practically spat, gritting her teeth as though she was preparing for a fight.

As it turned out, fighting over books was frowned upon in higher learning institutions like this, and so, they took their dispute to the only person who could solve it: the librarian.

And, as it turned out, the particular book at the center of the controversy was the only copy they had, having gone out of print the year before. As Jyn and Cassian sat at one of the few uninhabited tables, uneasily researching alternate copies of the book on their respective laptops, they both warily kept one eye on the other, just in case one grabbed the book in question and made a run for it. Neither did, but ultimately, once they agreed that it was, in fact, the only copy in existence except for one they found on Amazon that cost two hundred fucking fifty dollars that neither of them had to spare, the decision to share was made.

So they sat together, and they made a study schedule together, which was far more difficult than it needed to be, but class schedules and work schedules seemed to want to make it impossible for it to work at normal human being hours. They’d meet at 6AM on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, even though both would rather sleep in as long as possible before their morning classes. They’d meet at 11:45PM on Tuesdays and Thursdays, after Cassian’s shift at the bar ended, even though both would much rather be sleeping at that time, because although this was college, they both weren’t really into the party scene. And because this was a project that would take them all semester - because of course it was, because of course it couldn’t be for a quick paper, because life was never that easy, because Malbus and Imwe seemed to delight in concocting new ways to torture their students just so - they’d even try to meet on the weekends, as well, if seeing each other’s faces during the rest of the week wasn’t too much as it was.

Jyn’s boyfriend was not pleased to hear that she’d be spending so much of her free time with another man, and pouted about her not spending that time with him, but she didn’t kowtow and reassure him in the way that she knew he was trying to lead her to. “We can’t always get what we want”, she mumbled, and he didn’t talk to her for four days afterward, although she heard stories that he’d spent that time getting closer to a blonde freshman that lived down the hall.

She had better things to concentrate on, anyway. Such as getting up and getting ready at an ungodly time in the morning in order to meet Cassian for their early study sessions. The first week, she never made it on time. And he might’ve rolled his eyes when she did show up, but he never needled her about it. 6AM was a bitch, no matter how you looked at it.

Eventually, without her even asking, she’d slide into her seat and already find a piping hot coffee or tea waiting for her, along with a quick nod and what might even pass as a smile, however momentary.

Their late night meetings took a toll, too. As if Cassian wasn’t already exhausted from classes and work and dealing with belligerent, entitled assholes who clearly did not know what a gin and tonic was supposed to be, he couldn’t just go to bed and get some rest. Instead, he had to spend at least a few hours with Jyn, struggling to retain some of the information they learned together. And then they’d part, and try to steal a few hours of sleep before starting it all over again the next day. She hardly knew how he managed.

Eventually, without his ever asking, she started bringing snacks along to their late night sessions - healthy snacks, not sugar shit that would have him crashing well before either of them got any actual work done. Once, he bit into a peach with relish, and Jyn had to look away in order to calm her suddenly fluttering heart. That … shouldn’t be as exciting as it was, right?

Eventually, they loosened up enough around each other to talk, to get to know each other in a more meaningful way than ‘this is my study buddy’. She laughed at stories of his roommates fastidiousness, sure that no one in history had ever lived in a cleaner dorm room. And although Cassian didn’t want to get involved in anything that was none of his business, on the days when Jyn was clearly distressed about something that obviously had to do with her boyfriend, he offered a shoulder, an ear, and the assertion that ‘he sounds like a real dick’, which always made Jyn laugh. It wasn’t his place to ask, but he had to wonder why she even bothered staying with someone that clearly wasn’t making her happy.

He didn’t ask, though, and she didn’t offer.

Eventually, they started spending time together on weekends, too, having mutually decided that they didn’t resent each other enough after their usual study sessions that watching a movie together would push them over the edge. They needed to unwind after midterms somehow, after all, and she wasn’t quite old enough to get into the bar that he worked in, and although he knew damn well just who to go to when it came to fake id’s, wouldn’t tell her no matter how much she harangued him. He just clucked his tongue at her, and with that disapproving glare that he did so well, quietly reminded her that that kind of behavior would just lead her down the wrong path, and she was too intelligent to derail her studies now. He knew all too well, after all, that was why he was stuck in a sophomore level class when he was just on the verge of graduating.

One movie turned into movie marathon weekends, and although Kay, Cassian’s roommate, barely tolerated her presence, if that, did not complain (much) when it got too late to walk across campus, and Cassian suggested that she stay the night.

“I don’t want to be a bother - “, she’d tried.

“Too late”, Kay offered.

“You’re not!”, Cassian countered, shaking his head vehemently. “You are never a bother.”

Kay rolled his eyes, taking his leave so that he could go about his nightly hygiene rituals before he bedded down, leaving Jyn and Cassian alone in the awkwardness that hung around them like fog rolling in off of the ocean.

“You can borrow one of my shirts and take the bed. It’s not the first time I’ve slept on the floor … “

Jyn huffed out an offended breath and rolled her eyes, although not unkindly. “I’m not kicking you out of your own damn bed, Cassian. We’re adults, we can share it.”

Cassian’s eyes flitted from Jyn, to his ultra-small twin bed, and back to her, not wanting to make her wait any longer than strictly necessary for an answer. “Uh”, he offered smartly, “If you insist?”

She did.

He cleared his throat and dug through his closet until he found a long-sleeved gray tee-shirt that was clearly well-loved, handing it over without preamble. “I’ll, uh, I’ll go brush my teeth and stuff so that you can change.”

“Okay”, she answered, nodding softly, watching him through interested eyes as he grabbed his stuff, offered a quick smile, and left, closing the door quietly behind him.

Jyn didn’t know why her stomach felt so funny at the thought of sharing a bed with Cassian. It was just one night - for a matter of hours, in any case, since it was so late, and they were just friends. She had a boyfriend. And besides that, it wasn’t like he liked her like that, anyway.

It didn’t matter that she nearly ran to the library to make their 6AM meetings. It didn’t matter that every time she flopped down in her seat, he was watching her with bright eyes and the kind of blindingly brilliant smile that she’d never seen him offer anyone else before, not even the girls that tried to steal his attentions away in the moments that she got up to stretch, or use the bathroom, or answer text after text asking when she’d make herself available enough to spend some time with the man that loved her or are you with Cassian again, of course you are, you’re always with that asshole, you might as well just marry him.

It didn’t matter that no matter how tired he was after a shift gone long, he always perked up when he saw her waiting for him, snacks and laptop and books in hand. It didn’t even matter that they probably could’ve easily come up with a much more convenient book custody schedule, nor how much this one was a total hassle for them both, because this was theirs, and no one was going to take it away from them.

All the furtive little glances. All the times her foot had ‘accidentally’ brushed against his underneath the table. All the times they hadn’t actually spent time together but she still sent memes and other random things via text whenever they reminded her of him. All the time they’d spent together just doing friend shit instead of the studying they swore they’d get done at some point. All the late night phone calls when one or the other or both couldn’t sleep. All the times when something happened and Jyn couldn’t wait to tell only one person, and that was always him …  

Oh, God.

She totally had a crush on Cassian.

It could never go any further than this. She knew that she couldn’t act on any of the wants and desires that had crept up on her so quietly that she’d never even see them coming. She had a boyfriend.

She was already changed and sitting at the edge of the bed when Cassian and Kay returned, the latter barely even glancing at her as he settled into his bed with a sigh. “Please bear in mind that it is after 2AM. Keep quiet in whatever activities you decide to engage in. Goodnight, Cassian. Jyn.”

“What the fuck, Kay?”, Cassian murmured, a flush creeping up the back of his neck.

“Oh Cassian … “, Jyn mewled, teasing, watching with interest as the flush reached his cheeks. “Don’t worry, Kay, we’ll be good. We’ll save those activities for when you’re not an unwilling voyeur. Promise, I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

He snorted softly, pulling the blanket over him all the further. “Frankly, I’m amazed that you’ve managed this long.”

Jyn had to wonder what that meant. Not that now was the best time to consider it, though, when Cassian was blushing in a way she’d never seen him blush before, and Jyn herself was watching him through eyes that were seeing him in a brand new light. Or, rather, a light that she’d been seeing him through for so long that she couldn’t even begin to say when things had changed.

She cleared her throat softly, and he practically jumped out of his skin.

“Uh. You should probably turn off the light and come to bed. It’s late.”

“Please, for the love of God … “, Kay interjected.

And with that, Cassian flipped the lightswitch, and the room went dark, save for what little light filtered through the window, and he gingerly sat next to Jyn, just sat in the moment before he slid closest to the wall and tried to press himself as flat as he could to make room for her. And even though she was small, it would still be a tight fit.

“Sorry”, she whispered as she tried to find a comfortable position for the pair of them, an arm tentatively wrapping around his waist, a knee wedging its way between his, and Cassian was so glad that it was dark, otherwise Jyn would be able to see how bright his cheeks were flaring. As it was, if she got any closer she might be able to feel the heat radiating off of him in waves.

“It’s fine”, he answered, his voice strangely strangled, caught in his throat.

Jyn didn’t ask, and Cassian didn’t offer, and as she relaxed more fully against him, Cassian felt more awake than ever. Every little touch, no matter how accidental, seemed to set the blood in his veins on fire. It took all the willpower in his body not to respond every time she shifted a little closer, or brushed against him in ways that made goosebumps rise as he tried to lie as still as possible and pretend that he was unaffected by the close proximity.

Just friends, he tried to remind himself internally. They were just friends, and nothing more.

He could hardly say when things had changed between them, couldn’t pinpoint the moment that this thoroughly frustrating little sophomore had started to worm her way into his life as something more than a minor annoyance. She was funny without ever trying to be - her sarcastic observations soon turning his appreciative little snorts into the kind of side-splitting laughter that shook his shoulders and brought tears to his eyes and a stitch in his stomach as he tried and failed to hold it all at bay.

He could hardly say when his secret little glances had shifted from ‘she looks tired’ into ‘she’s so pretty’, which then turned into Cassian mentally berating himself because Jyn had a boyfriend, a shitty boyfriend, but a boyfriend nonetheless, and Cassian wasn’t going to be That Guy.

And while he hoped that there was meaning to the way her foot brushed against his, he tried to assume that Jyn was just getting bored with sitting for so long, so he suggested foosball in the student center, which she always eagerly accepted, even if one game turned into best out of seven, and left her breathless and grabbing her stuff, and muttering ‘shit, my psych class started fifteen minutes ago!’ before she ran off, but not without promising that she’d see him later.

Cassian found that he rested easier after receiving Jyn’s goodnight, whether it was in person, through text, or over the phone. And now that he knew what it was like to be held close by the tiny green-eyed spitfire, he knew that he couldn’t stand it if this was the one and only time.

Shit, he realized, swallowing hard.

He had a crush on Jyn.

(It was probably more than just a crush, but he couldn’t allow himself to think about that right now, or at all, ever. She had a fucking boyfriend.)

Cassian hardly slept at all, couldn’t, not when Jyn was so damn close, and snuggling closer, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. The lump in his throat only grew every time she made soft little noises. It got harder and harder not to let his fingers linger against her cheek every time her loose hair fell into her face, causing her nose to wrinkle in distaste. He brushed it back, and internally kicked himself. He needed to get a hold of himself, and fast, otherwise things were going to get extremely awkward between the two of them.

And the truth of the matter was that he didn’t want that, even if it meant pulling away in an attempt to keep things friendly, and nothing more. The timing wasn’t right. And even if Jyn never felt the same, at least they were friends. He didn’t want to lose that. So if that meant pulling back a bit until some of his feelings faded, so be it.

They were friends, and that was the most important thing.

When Jyn woke, a little at a time, she was warm, and comfortable, and pressed chest-to-chest against Cassian in a way that was not entirely unpleasant. Sometime during the night, she’d either snuggled her way close enough to tuck her head underneath his chin or he’d arranged them that way, effectively allowing her to burrow into the blanket and as close as humanly possible. And with his arm draped over her middle, keeping her right where she was, there would be no easy way to get up without disturbing him.

And she couldn’t possibly disturb him when he made such a beautiful, peaceful scene asleep and fully relaxed, his eyelashes brushing his cheeks in a way that made her jealous that she could not kiss him there, too.

But he must have felt the heat from her gaze, because soon enough, he frowned, and slowly woke up, too, his hazy eyes getting brighter as he realized that Jyn was watching him intently. His lips curled up into a soft smile, but he didn’t remove his arm, and didn’t release his hold, and she was … more than okay with that.

“Morning”, he offered, his voice hoarse from disuse.

Jyn practically shivered in response. “Hey … “

“You gotta go, don’t you?”, he asked, and she could swear that in the quiet of the room, she could hear a disappointment in his voice that she’d never heard before.

But for as much as she wanted to stay …

“Yeah.”

“Yeah”, he replied, although the lump in his throat made it hard to respond. Reluctantly, he pulled his arm back, freeing Jyn to move at will.

She didn’t, though, not for a long moment, quiet and careful as she extricated limbs so hopelessly tangled that it was almost impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. But soon, she was sitting on the edge of the bed, stretching so thoroughly that her back popped into place, and she sighed her relief. She stood, and pulled her jeans back on just, as careful not to accidentally flash Cassian - Kay’s bed was empty. God knows when he’d left or where he’d gone. She was glad that she didn’t have to share this moment with anyone else. She turned, bra and shirt in hand, and before she could even say a word, Cassian cut right in.

“Keep the shirt. I mean, bring it back to me sometime soon, but … you don’t have to give it back right now.”

“Okay”, she answered, nodding, searching for her shoes. She didn’t even want to check her phone, which she had turned off after receiving a litany of texts stating that she was not to stay the night in Cassian and Kay’s room, she had better not dare do that if she knew what was good for her, I swear to God, Jyn, if you fuck him …

She’d deal with all of that when she absolutely had to, and not before.

Jyn slid her shoes on with a sigh, tried to make some sense of her messy hair until she gave up entirely. Not much more to do than say her goodbye and head back to her building for a shower, some breakfast, and maybe more sleep. But she found it exceptionally hard to do so.

With those sweet, dark eyes taking her in like she was something very special, how could she possibly want to do anything other than sit right back down, and take his hand, and quietly admit that she treasured their friendship, and it had taken her so long to see, but she wanted more.

But Jyn had a boyfriend, and she wasn’t going to be That Girl, and besides, she didn’t know what Cassian felt, or what he wanted, or anything other than the fact that he’d slowly but surely turned into nothing but the best friend that she’d ever had, except for Bodhi, who was taking the year to be an exchange student, and whose sage advice was always going to be ‘I can’t tell you what to do, but you already know that you need to do what’s best for you’.

Thanks, Bo.

Now, more than ever, Jyn thought she knew exactly what she needed to do.

“Okay’, Jyn said, more to herself than to Cassian, steeling her nerves for what she knew was to come. “See you Monday morning, bright and early”.

“Okay”, Cassian answered, and it was clear that he wanted to say so much more. He didn’t, though, just watched as she grabbed her bag and smiled over her shoulder at him, and left, the door clicking shut behind her. And then he flopped back onto his bed, and threw an arm over his eyes, and knew that he was in far too deep.

How the fuck could they continue to be ‘just friends’ after this?

Which was almost exactly the sentiment that her boyfriend was trying to convey as his assertions that Jyn indeed fucked Cassian the night before only got louder and more insistent each and every time he offered it.

She tried, at first, to assure him that nothing of the sort had happened, but as his assertions soon turned into accusations, and he was screaming at the top of his lungs that she had fucked that fucking motherfucker hadn’t she, that Jyn found that she just couldn’t take it anymore, and, quite frankly, didn’t know how the hell she had put up with this level of emotional abuse for so long, other than some misguided sense of doing the right thing. This wasn’t right for her. This hadn’t been right for her for quite some time.

And what was right for her had been sitting across a library table littered with books, laptops, notebooks, pens, and empty coffees for almost the entire semester without her even realizing it.

But Jyn Erso didn’t argue. She didn’t feel the need to defend herself from a person that wasn’t interested in listening. And even though something had changed for Jyn and Cassian the night before, she wanted to keep it strictly between the both of them for the time being, until she could figure her feelings out … and until she could figure his out, as well.

She barreled past him, threw open the door, and pushed him through it with all her might, sending him sprawling to the floor below, staring at her in shock. “I didn’t fuck him! But I might as well have after all the times you’ve fucked around on me! I’m tired of all of … this. Leave. Get the hell out of my life, and don’t bother coming back. Because the next time you do, I’m gonna punch you in the balls so hard, you’ll be puking blood.!”

Calmly, she closed the door, and sat on her bed, and breathed a sigh of relief. And then she picked up her phone and sent a text to Cassian letting him know that she probably wouldn’t be at their study session the next morning because she just needed some time to herself.

As expected, he immediately replied, asking if she was okay, and her lips curled up into a tiny smile as she assured him that yes, she was fine, and that she would see him on Tuesday night, as per usual.

Okay, he responded, and she could tell even in just the one word that he was worried. And then another message, and she sighed a little more, because of course he’d offer to provide anything that she needed, should she need anything at all, just please tell him.

I will, she returned, and that was that.

Jyn spent the rest of the day decompressing, taking a short nap, wearing the shirt he’d sent her to her dorm in as though it was some sort of security blanket and she was holding on for dear life. And when she woke, she went about scrubbing her room of any reminder of the ex-boyfriend she’d sent packing hours before. Jyn hadn’t seen her own roommate in ages, not after she’d practically moved in with her older boyfriend off campus. Thank God for small miracles that no one had been around to watch the circus that was that morning, and many other instances before. It was bad enough that the entire building had probably bore witness to the screaming - although, to be honest, most returning students were probably used to it, having gone through Leia Organa and Han Solo’s legendary arguments the entire year before.

Jyn had said that she was fine. Hadn’t really gone into any details, though, and Cassian couldn’t stop wondering what would cause her to miss a study session. Was it another boyfriend thing? Or did she just need a day off? Was she not feeling well? Or … had spending the night made her rethink their entire friendship altogether?

To say that Cassian was worried was the understatement of the century. Even though he didn’t press her through text, nor call, because he hadn’t been invited to, and it wasn’t his place to press, anyway. Instead, he paced the small room that he shared with Kay until it was noted that he was going to wear a track into the floor if he didn’t stop.

“If it’s bothering you that much, go and talk to her”, he said, his normally flat tone lifting a little higher with his frustration.

“I can’t just show up, Kay, what if she doesn’t want to see me?”

“I highly doubt Jyn would turn you away, Cassian.”

“What does that even mean? Why are you always so cryptic?”

“Go. And. Talk. To. Her.”

Cassian practically growled his frustration, but couldn’t stand Kay glaring at him anymore, nor worrying that he’d fucked up completely by sleeping with Jyn the night before … even though all they’d done was sleep.

As he stalked across campus to her dorm, he couldn’t help but let one what if scenario turn into another and another and even more after that, each one more ridiculous than the one before. He just needed to talk to her, to apologize if he’d made things weird, to try to figure out what to do if he had, because if he knew one thing, it was that he couldn’t stand not having her in his life, in whatever capacity she was willing to inhabit.

By the time he reached her door, he was at least marginally less frantic, but not any less worried. One, two, three quick raps at her door, and he stood back, waiting for her to answer, if she was even there at all. What kind of idiot would he be to stand here waiting and she wasn’t even in her room in the first place …

But the door slowly opened, and one cautious green eye peeked from the slit, as though she was a little bit wary of who might have been behind the knocking. But when she realized it was Cassian, she practically threw it open and launched herself at him like she was a rocket. He was surprised, but he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her, holding her tight.

“Jyn - ?”, he asked, but anything else that he might have wanted to ask died on the tip of his tongue as she lifted up onto her tiptoes and sloppily pressed her lips to his in a kiss that was not perfect in the slightest, but was very fitting for them, their friendship, the relationship that they’d cobbled together even after their inauspicious beginning.

Cassian’s arms tightened around her, holding her steady as the kiss steadied, as well, as in her haste, Jyn’s sharp teeth nipped at his bottom lip, and he groaned in response. Soon, though, the need to breathe became too intense to ignore, and they pulled away, still standing in the middle of the hall, where anyone could see, flushed, and panting, and holding each other close.

**“I’m not going to apologize for this”** , Cassian muttered, his forehead pressed gently to Jyn’s his breath puffing against her lips.  **“Not anymore.”**

“I broke up with him”, Jyn replied, a voice breathless and hopeful and full of a desire that he had never heard from her before.

“Oh”, Cassian replied, smartly, as a grin spread across his face, and his eyes lit up with nothing but sheer relief and delight and a need that he had only recently realized that he felt in the first place.

“Stay?”, she asked, her fingers trembling as she tugged gently at his shirt, as if to pull him all the closer still.

“Yes”, he murmured, little louder than a breath, more than happy to allow Jyn to lead him into her room, and just as happy that they didn’t have to waste any more time tiptoeing around each other, ignoring the elephant in the room. They didn’t have to waste any time pretending that there wasn’t something between them, and ignoring the newly realized pull to each other.

Now, finally, there was nothing in the way of taking this step. So, as Jyn walked backward, pulling Cassian with her, he felt no qualms about sliding his hand underneath the bottom of her shirt - his shirt! - setting his palm against her hip, squeezing gently, reassuring her that this was exactly what he wanted, if she even needed that reassurance at all.

Jyn breathed out a pleased little noise, suddenly sitting on the small bed in the instant that the backs of her legs hit it, dragging Cassian down with her, laughing embarrassedly when they settled and found him sprawled halfway in her lap. Gently, with trembling fingers, she brushed his hair out of his eyes, and allowed her hands to linger, trying to memorize the softness of his skin.

“I’m sorry”, she murmured, and he frowned, that familiar knot forming between his brows.

“For what?”, he asked, and he was sure that he’d never sounded so confused. But he was confused, because what the hell did Jyn possibly have to apologize for? What had she ever done to feel the least bit guilty about?

“I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize that what I wanted was sitting across from me all along”, she replied, with more uncertainty than she would have liked. Not that she was uncertain of what she felt or what she wanted, just uncertain if this was weird, or too soon, or there should be some sort of waiting period before she moved on, even though she’d moved on ages ago without ever being aware of it.

For as comfortable as Cassian was, half in and half out of Jyn’s lap, staring up at her, disbelieving and happier than he thought he had any right feeling, and a little overwhelmed by too much all at once, he still struggled to sit up, to cup her face gently in his hands, to do everything within his power to show Jyn that none of this - not any single little part of it - was wrong.

“I want it, too”, he said, as earnestly and honestly as he could, his smile soft but genuine. “I want you.”

“Oh”, Jyn breathed, as though she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing, slowly leaning just close enough to allow her to brush the tip of her nose gently against Cassian’s. “I want you, so much.”

He laughed. He laughed the relieved laugh of a man that hadn’t been expecting being granted what he thought was the best gift in the world. He laughed the laugh of a man that was hopelessly, helplessly head over heels for the girl in his embrace. And although that light in his eyes never faded, he gazed at her with all the seriousness he could muster, wanted her to know that he meant each and every word he said. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. Or soon, Jyn, if you don’t want to. I can wait for as long as it takes … “

Because he’d been waiting all semester. Fuck, he’d wait until she graduated, if necessary. If all they did was add kissing and holding hands to their usual repertoire, he’d be perfectly happy. It didn’t matter what they did as long as they were together.

But he was interrupted by the insistent press of Jyn’s lips against his once again, and he groaned softly, the vibration enough to make her shiver and shift more closely to Cassian, even though there was hardly any space left between them at all. “Shut up”, she murmured, and his eyes widened in surprise. “Shut up and kiss me.”

“Bossy little thing, aren’t you?”, he asked, dropping his hands to rest at her hips, holding her firmly, squeezing just enough to remind her that he was there now, that he was real and he was hers, and as far as he was concerned, that wasn’t going to change for a long, long time.

“You like it”, she countered, arching an eyebrow as she watched him expectantly. What was taking him so long?

Cassian huffed out an amused chuckle, resting his forehead against hers a little more fully, “I do”, he replied, laughter clear in his voice. “I really fucking do, Jyn.”

What was initially intended to be a long, languid makeout session didn’t stay that way for very long, not after Jyn clambered into Cassian’s lap and unconsciously started grinding against his thigh in order to generate some sweet friction, gasping against his mouth as his hands slipped underneath her shirt, palms hot against her skin. She shivered and sighed, her back arching, pushing against his hands all the more as gentle fingers dancing along the contour of her breasts before he ever even rolled her nipples between his deft fingers, urging them into hard little peaks in a matter of moments. He was so considerate, so gentle with her, even though it was clear that they both wanted so much more.

Cassian wanted. He wanted so much, but he didn’t want to rush Jyn into anything, wanted to relish every single noise that she made for him, the way that her body reacted to him, the way she rocked and rolled and ground against him, the way that his reacted to her, as well. She hadn’t really even gotten her hands on him yet, and he was already painfully hard in his pants, struggling to keep from coming too early, like this was the first time all over again, and he didn’t have any control of himself whatsoever.

And then, her impatience got the better of her, and Jyn slipped small hands underneath Cassian’s shirt, tentative as she explored his abdomen, his chest, everything that the thin fabric was hiding from her hazy view. And then, her fingers stopped moving, and with her palm resting low on his belly, her eyes narrowed and she glared at Cassian as though he’d done something wrong, and he froze, wondering if he’d crossed a line somehow without even knowing it.

“You’re furry”, she accused, as though he had kept that information from her on purpose. Sure, he’d yawned and stretched enough times to give her little glimpses of his skin as his shirt rode up, but this - she wasn’t expecting.

A long, silent moment passed, and then his stomach trembled underneath her fingertips, as though he was trying to hold peals of laughter at bay. “Yeah”, he breathed out, relieved that that was the only thing she found reason to complain about. “… Sorry?”

“I just want to pet you forever”, she murmured, her fingers dancing dangerously closer to the waistband of his sweatpants. Just a little lower, and she’d feel without a shadow of a doubt what all of this kissing and touching and exploring was doing to him … as if she couldn’t already see. As if she couldn’t already tell from the flush of his cheeks, the needy little noises he made for her every time she so much as brushed a fingertip against skin already overheated and aching for more. As if she didn’t know.

“I - yes, that … “, he began, his hands having migrated down her body to her hips, holding on firmly, holding her steady, his lips curling into a mischievous little smile, his grip tightening as he surged upward, catching Jyn off guard, switching their positions with little hassle on his part, glancing down at her, flat on her back, hair spread out all around her head, like a halo, giggling giddily and he thought -

He could love her.

And though the thought could have been terrifying … Cassian’s heart swelled and soared to consider it. He could love her. And he could hope that she could love him in return. And maybe they could be the something good that they’d been missing in their lives. Maybe. God, if they were extremely lucky … just maybe.

“That can be arranged”, he murmured, leaning in close to capture her lips in a kiss, something sweet, but not without a clear intent behind it. And for as much as he wanted (and God, did he want her), he took his time in pressing kisses to her cheeks, too, pink and heated from their activities, to her forehead, to the tip of her nose and even her chin. Jyn was not so patient as she tugged at Cassian’s shirt, hinting at the all too clear fact that she wanted it off. His lips turned up into a tiny smirk as he pulled away to pull it up and over his head, and she groaned her disappointment anyway. But he gave her the opportunity to get her first good look at his bare torso, and then he continued with his quest to both please her and drive her crazy. She wanted to touch, that much was obvious, but as he kissed and nibbled and sucked at the tender flesh of her throat, all she could reach were his shoulders, which her fingers danced along, making him moan softly against her skin.

But Cassian didn’t allow Jyn to derail him from his intended path. He only pulled away again once she was thoroughly a mess beneath him, gentle as he urged her to sit up just enough to tug his shirt up and over her head, as well, dropping it somewhere on the floor behind him. And then -  then, he growled quietly as he returned to lavishing his attentive kisses all along the length of her collarbone, one, two, three soft, deliberate kisses pressed down the center of her chest. And then Cassian paused just long enough to glance up at Jyn, watching him as intently as she could manage through eyes made cloudy with her ever-deepening desire. He smirked a bit, and returned to kissing every inch of her bare, soft skin until he was curling his lips around one pointed nipple, suckling gently as he slid his other hand from her hip and up until he was able to palm her other breast, squeezing gently, humming his enjoyment of the way that Jyn’s back arched in response, the sharp, staccato gasp that escaped her lips and the way that it shifted and changed into a needy little whine.

He groaned against her heated skin, only switching his attention to the other side when he felt he’d shown enough to the first. And all Jyn could do was gather a handful of the blanket beneath her as a way of anchoring herself down on the bed, using her other hand, as damnably shaky as it was to card her fingers through Cassian’s hair, unconsciously tugging every time a swipe of his tongue or the reverberation of the soft groans he uttered sent even more chills racing up and down the length of her spine.

“Cassian, please … “, she gasped, and immediately knew that was a phrase she was going to be using a lot with him as his head shot up, and he fixed her with a heated look that took her breath away all over again.

“Patience - “, he murmured, his voice a low rumble, shifting positions so that he could press a kiss to one hip, and then the other, “is a virtue.”

And Jyn Erso had never been a paragon of patience a moment in her life, but in this, with him, she could try. It was worth the frustration that he was so clearly enjoying inflicting upon her, and she knew that later, when their positions had changed, she’d be able to exact her sweet vengeance in order to have Cassian at her mercy. And that sort of pleasure was definitely worth waiting for.

Her teeth dug into the flesh of her bottom lip, and she held onto the blanket even more fiercely as he left a ring of kisses around her belly button, and slid down beneath her parted legs a little more, pressing three more measured kisses low on her belly, grinning wickedly as he quickly divested her of the criminally tiny pair of shorts she’d been wearing so that he could begin paying attention to her sensitive inner thighs.

Jyn moved restlessly, and Cassian’s fingers stilled where he’d been trailing them across thin skin that quivered underneath each and every touch, waiting until she settled before he began all over again, and then decided to treat the other to the same kisses he’d lavished to the other delicate parts of her body thus far - the column of her throat, along her collarbone, the contours of her breasts, each kiss bringing him closer and closer to the spot that he knew they both wanted him to pay attention to. And just as he got to the apex of her thighs … he switched from one to the other, frustrating her all the further as he paid the same attention to skin he’d been teasing with the pads of his fingertips not moments before.

But it didn’t take long before he was settling his hands against her thighs, steadying her, watching her keenly, surprisingly conversational as he purred, “You smell so good, Jyn. I bet you taste fucking amazing.”

A soft, strangled moan was the only noise that she could make as Cassian breathed in deeply, as meticulous as ever even in this, even when his tongue parted her lips and he could taste her for himself for the first time, as he experienced just how wet she’d been ever since they’d shared their first kiss. Jyn screwed her eyes shut tight, and the fingers in his hair tugged all the harder, and he moaned against her in such a way that had her shuddering and gasping for breath.

His fingers dug into the skin of her thighs, sure to leave marks behind when all was said and done as he gave in a little to the unrelenting urge to drink her in. He dipped his tongue into the heat of her, and Jyn nearly fell apart from the sheer surprise of it, her hips bucking sharply in a motion that might’ve broken his nose if he hadn’t been holding her down so securely against the mattress.

Although Cassian thought that he’d never get enough of her sweetness, there were other pressing needs to get to, namely, redoubling his efforts and allowing her to come so that he could find out just how good she’d feel around his cock rather than his tongue, his need burning him from the inside out from the sheer willpower used to hold it at bay while he devoted every single bit of his attention and affection upon Jyn. His lips closed around her throbbing, aching little nub, and she thrashed her head from side to side, gritting her teeth as she tried admirably to hold onto what little control over herself that she still had. But Cassian was nothing if not determined, and as he alternated short sucks and long licks, he continued teasing her with a blunt finger, collecting the wetness that had gathered along her slit and slowly pressing it inside her slick heat, curling it just so, in the way that he hoped that she’d like the best. And as she cried out sharply, pulsing and fluttering around the digit, he knew that he was correct in his assumption.

The combination of his hands and his mouth was deadly in all the best ways, and Jyn couldn’t hold out forever, no matter how much she wanted to make this moment last for as long as she could.  She lost track of how many particularly well-timed and well-paced thrusts of his finger it took to drag her into the depths of her desire, but it hardly mattered more than riding the waves of pleasure as they washed over her, again, again, again, and all she could do was let them overtake her. And all Cassian could do, all he wanted to do was help her through, his motions slowing and stopping once he was certain that Jyn was breathing properly again, her body soft and boneless and still shivering gently from the aftershocks that continued rolling over her intermittently.

He hardly noticed his own arousal, so caught up in the way that she looked, laid out in front of him, flushed and spent and beautiful. She cracked open one eye, wet with unshed tears, and then the other, and the emotions he could read within their depths was enough to cause his breath to catch in his throat. This was exactly where he belonged. He knew it as surely as he knew his name. He knew it with a certainty

“Cassian - “, she whispered, and he shook his head, shifting onto his knees and leaning over her so that he could give her the softly sweet little kiss they both needed to share in the wake of what they’d just done.

“I know”, he answered, resting his forehead against hers as gently as he could manage, practically vibrating from the force of his own need, and from the toll it was taking not to give in completely just yet. “I know, Jyn, me too.”

He knew. He felt the same. And Jyn had never felt so hopeful before, not in all the years of her life. She swallowed hard and breathed a shaky breath, and weakly gestured toward her bedside drawer. She didn’t have to say another word as he leaned over in order to open it and rummage through it until he found what he assumed she’d wanted him to find - a condom. Better safe than sorry, after all, and it wasn’t as though he’d thought to stuff a few in his pockets before coming to find her.

He hadn’t exactly anticipated finding himself in this position, not that he wasn’t happy to be there now. Cassian sought out another kiss, sighing against her mouth as he pulled himself together enough to move away from Jyn just long enough to shuck his sweats and allow her to take in the sight of him, bare and ready and hers, all hers, pleased more than he knew how to put into words as her eyes raked over every inch of him and she sighed hotly, watching, waiting, anticipating what they both knew was going to happen next.

Cassian allowed some of his own impatience bleed through, hasty to get the package open, hissing out a sharp breath as he rolled the condom on, the first touch of deft fingers to his neglected cock a reminder that no matter how much he wanted to make this last for Jyn, he’d been on edge for so long that it wasn’t going to take much at all until he found himself falling headfirst into his pleasure, too. Good thing it was still pretty early yet. Good thing that he didn’t have any intention of leaving directly afterward if she didn’t wish him to, giving them an entire night to explore each other more thoroughly. And God, did he want to give her the chance to take her time with him in the same ways that he’d done with her.

Cassian took a long, deep breath to steady himself, and took his time in repositioning himself between her still-shaking thighs, lifting his eyes to meet Jyn’s again, searching them for any sign of uncertainty, finding nothing but the same desire he felt reflected in them. “Ready?”, he asked, his voice low, and all she could do was nod her assent. She couldn’t be more ready. She couldn’t want him any more than she already did, she couldn’t need him with any more ferocity.

“Okay”, he muttered, and slowly pushed into her, correct in his belief that she was still wet enough and ready enough to take him without any discomfort. Slowly, he pressed forward until she’d welcomed him completely, and as his eyes fluttered shut, he kept still, just enjoying the heat of her, the way he’d never seemed to fit so well anywhere as he fit with her. And all he could hear over the thumping of his heart was their breathing, a little rough, a little ragged, but as well-matched as they themselves were.

Only when he was sure that he wouldn’t come within the first few strokes did he begin moving, long steady strokes as he pulled almost all the way out and pushed all the way in, and kept it up even as Jyn’s breaths became shorter, harsher, as desperate as a breath could be. Her muscles contracted around him, and it hardly mattered whether it was accidental or on purpose, he cursed under his breath as his pace stuttered and he fought to regain it, fucking her a little harder in retaliation, her sobbing moans music to his ears every time he bottomed out and she shivered all the harder in response.

He murmured how good she felt as his fingers dug into the skin of her hips all the harder, holding her firmly, unable to keep his hips from snapping all the harder, all the more forcefully, chasing the release that he felt was just beyond his reach, close, but not close enough, wanting nothing more than to fall apart for her and because of her, as if to prove with just his body how much he wanted her, and had been wanting her.

Jyn’s hand snaked between their bodies, letting loose with a long, keening groan as her fingers made contact with her aching little nub, certain that she could get off again with little effort on her part. After all, nobody knew how to get her there better than she did, and Cassian had brought her close all over again. If not with him, she was determined to come again as closely as she could with him, to experience something as close as mutual pleasure as possible. She was sure that she’d never felt anything quite like this before with previous partners. She was sure she’d never feel anything like this again.

She and Cassian - they were something special, and even in the midst of her pleasured delirium, she knew it.

“Fuck, Jyn - “, he hissed, his hips pistoning all the more frantically, spurred on by the way she touched herself, her fingers brushing against his cock every time he thrust into her. “I’m gonna come.”

“Do it”, she breathlessly urged, her fingers pressing hard, moving faster in just the spot that she knew would get her there every time. “Come for me, please I - “

A handful of stuttered thrusts later, Cassian gasped out suddenly as his own release washed over him, and his vision went fuzzy, spilling and spilling and spilling until he felt completely empty, but his body continuing to move until he was sure that Jyn had reached her peak, too, crying out as she spasmed around him, holding him fast as she writhed and shuddered underneath him, and his arms gave out, even as he gamely attempted to keep from crashing down upon her and crushing her underneath his boneless weight.

Cassian stuttered out a chuckling breath as he pressed lazy kisses to the corner of Jyn’s kiss-swollen mouth. “Jyn, I - “, he sighed, pausing as he tried to figure out the right words to say, not certain that anything he said could adequately explain what he was feeling.

“I know”, she murmured, gentle as she brushed sweat-damp hair out of his eyes, her voice and eyes soft and fond and content. It hardly mattered that she could barely breathe, and that the heat from their bodies was a little bit uncomfortable. This was exactly where she wanted to be. Cassian was exactly who she wanted to be with. And this couldn’t be a one-time thing.

She’d wasted enough time in getting here, the last thing Jyn wanted was to push Cassian away, when he was the only thing that had ever made her feel quite this blissfully peaceful. She would be an idiot to let any fear she might feel stop her from making an attempt to discover just how good they could be for each other.

“Stay?”, she asked, breathless as she awaited his answer.

“Of course”, he answered, smiling sweetly as he brushed the tip of his nose against hers, almost laughing as he hoped that this was real, that it wasn’t just a figment of his imagination. Cassian raised an eyebrow quizzically as Jyn suddenly giggled softly, wondering just what had amused her.

He didn’t even have to ask, she shook her head slightly and sighed, her happiness more than evident in her eyes, her expression, the secret little smile she shared with only him. “I’ll tell you later, I promise.”

So maybe their love story wasn’t as conventional as the usual rom-coms. But it was very them, and someday, she thought, it would make for one hell of a story.

And hopefully, if they were lucky, they’d have plenty of time in which to have new adventures worthy enough to be called new chapters.

This wasn’t the end; this was only the beginning.


End file.
